Grace and Good Coffee

Finding grace and good coffee to survive every day.

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homeschool

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There we were on a random summer day, riding back from getting our favorite lunchtime treat together – egg & cheese biscuits. The radio was tuned to our favorite Christian music station, and we were both singing along. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my bright-eyed girl, grinning widely at me. She pointed to her smile, and then pointed to me and said, “I’m just SO HAPPY that you’re my mommy! I love you so much!” *cue the mom tears*

I had been so much in my head the last few days, worrying and wondering, “Am I doing the right thing? Have I lost my mind?” But there she was, assuring me with her steadfast love that I’m pretty good at mom-ing. And since I know my prayers don’t fall on deaf ears and my Father won’t lead me down the wrong path, maybe I am actually equipped to handle what’s next, regardless of the knots in my stomach.

To elaborate, my daughter has been attending a private Christian school for the last 3 years, where most of her local friends go to school as well. It’s a good school, with less problems than most. BUT GOD. He just does not quit. He has been diligently working on my head and my heart over the last couple of years, pointing me to the idea of homeschool.

Then, a few challenges came up over the last year that rattled us. They rattled my girl. And I knew that God wanted more for her, and more for us. So to be the obedient daughter that I want to be, in the past few weeks, I officially withdrew her from the school, declined the scholarship that she had been awarded for this school year, and filed a notice of intent with the state to let them know I was opening a homeschool. *This is the part in the movie where the main character screams, cries, and throws up all at once.*

Needless to say, it has been a large mental load to carry. And I still had to find the right homeschool curriculum for us, figure out a way to continue working full-time from home (because we’re also currently in the process of building a house), and have complete and utter faith in that Holy-Spirit voice that has been reassuring me that homeschool is the right choice for us.

Trust me when I say, The Lord has mercy on His children. I questioned, procrastinated, and tied myself up in a thousand knots before I completed all the necessary steps to get this homeschool adventure started. And I tried to tie my husband’s mind up in the same knots, but he very gently and matter-of-factly looked at me and said, “We both know this is the right thing to do.” (Which completely shut down my inner Mrs. Worrywart.) *This is why men and women are wired completely differently. We need each other.*

So here we are, T-minus 2 days from officially starting homeschool. Today, my girl completed a readiness assessment to make sure she’s ready for the curriculum we’re starting on Monday. She scored above and beyond the “ready” line, which was further confirmation that we’re right where we need to be. God is SO good.

Please pray for us as we begin this new journey.
Blessings!
Emily <3

a helping hand

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Even though my daughter is nearly 3 years old now, I still have very vivid memories of those long days and nights with a newborn. As a brand new mama, I was completely overwhelmed. It doesn’t matter if you’re 20 or 40; no one has all the answers in the beginning.

Those first late nights with a crying, hungry baby are nerve-racking. Trying to figure out breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart. Even bottle-feeding is scary when you realize that newborns are just learning how to eat – how to swallow without choking.

The prayers are countless.

Having your mother or a good friend to talk to during the day is wonderful, but the nights are different. As a new mother, the nights are often dark and lonely. Your hormones are all over the map, and you are absolutely terrified of doing something wrong and causing harm or discomfort to that precious baby. Without someone there with you, especially in those wee hours, it can feel like the entire world is crashing down around you.

If there is one piece of advice I can pass on to new parents who have just been blessed with an angel from Heaven, it is this; get up TOGETHER.

Yes, I know many people advise couples to take turns getting up so they can each get more rest, but here’s a newsflash; most new moms don’t really rest, even when the baby is sleeping. Nature is working overtime on her, fueling her mind and body to stay awake at all hours, fully focused on that baby’s needs and survival.

What a new mama needs most of all, is a helping hand.

I remember the blessing of having my husband wake up with me every time, night after night, without any prompting. His company in those dark hours was such a welcomed blessing. He would change the dirty diaper while I got myself ready to attempt to breastfeed a child who had zero interest in all of that work. Sigh. Then he would lie awake in bed, waiting for me to finish the feeding routine and put our daughter back in her bassinet next to our bed. He would stay up with me, just to be available in case I needed something.

The bonding that took place between us during those wee hours is absolutely priceless.

It’s hard to put into words just how much that small gesture meant to me, as a nervous new mama. And now, on the hardest days of toddlerhood and potty-training, during the occasional times when I want to choke my husband… I think back on those first nights as new parents when he stayed up with me, and I remember just how blessed we are.

I hope this message blesses you as it has blessed me. ❤️

Emily

the pacifier

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One week ago, my precious angel put herself to sleep for the first night without her pacifier.

We’ve only let her have a pacifier for sleeping from day one, because I had read that it actually helps to prevent SIDS in newborns, and Lord knows we have enough to worry about when they’re brand new! Also of note, my elders have always said that “a pacifier is MUCH easier to take away than a thumb!” *praise hands*

Anywho, my Grace was weened off the paci for nap times when she began preschool last year, so night time sleeping (sans paci) is the last step.

Initially, I had wanted to wait until we were done with potty training before also taking the pacifier away, but since potty training seems to be going on foreverrr… I decided to give the paci removal a shot and see if that’s easier for us. A lot happens for toddlers between 2 and 3 years old, where they turn into little people and start to understand a lot more, so it seems to be easier to talk to them and reason some things out.

Sidenote: I think a lot of parents put way too much pressure on themselves to get things done by somebody else’s timeline. Every child is different and most mothers know when their child is ready for the next thing.

I’d read somewhere that snipping the bulb off of the pacifier was a good start to taking it away. (I used suture scissors to cut as close as possible to the base and not leave any part of the bulb behind.) There are different methods and ways to explain the “broken” pacifier, but with Grace, I knew I could talk to her about her paci being broken and that although it “may be a little sad, she can still love paci”…

After that talk, and comforting some sad tears, I decided to let her keep it with her in the crib so when I left she could hold it, examine it, and decide she was over it because it was broken. (Plus, I thought if she woke up looking for it, she would still be able to find it and she would see/remember that it’s broken.)

Well, that method seems to have worked for us because the first morning after sleeping without it, she woke up talking about it being broken, and then swiftly tossed it out of her bed. *lol*

It’s been about a week after that first night, and here’s what we’ve seen so far:

She takes a little longer to soothe herself to sleep, but she hasn’t been upset during that process. (Just more talkative to all of her animal friends in her bed — which is SO CUTE!) A couple of nights she has woken up and been very vocal about being mad and sad over “broken paci” but she’s gone back to sleep after a little soothing from mama and/or daddy. She really is such a trooper!

Kids are so much smarter and more resilient than we realize. And I think it’s just as hard (or harder) for Mamas to let go of these things as it is for their babies. After all, they only grow up once.

What are some parenting hurdles you’ve accomplished, and how did you handle it?

Choose well, and Be well! 🙂

Blessings,
Emily

mama’s plate

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There are few things in this world more irresistible to a toddler than the food on mama’s plate. It doesn’t matter what you’ve prepared for your child, and how delicious it may be. In fact, most of the time, we’re wishing we could eat what’s on our kid’s plate instead of what’s on our own. Goldfish? Yes, please! I’ll take that golden cheddar-y goodness ANY day over the crunch of baby carrots.

Sigh. Let me tell you a story.

Right before this pandemic arrived, I started a healthier eating plan. Yes, you read that right; I’m trying to eat more healthy foods during the apocalypse. I even joked with my husband that I should have known the world would come to an end if I actually began losing weight on a consistent basis. The devil is determined to keep me miserable! Here I am, trapped in my house with all of my husband’s and daughter’s carb-happy snacks. Times like these make you want to look up into the heavens and say, “Are you kidding me?!?”

Sigh.

Nevertheless, I have persisted. I have resisted. I am still going strong. Yes, I may want to cry whenever I see someone getting a pizza delivery, but I have not caved and ordered one for myself.

A couple of nights ago, I cooked some chicken nuggets and broccoli for my child (one of her favorite meals), and she began to eat while I made myself a big spinach salad with shredded chicken, Laughing Cow Light Swiss, and my homemade balsamic vinaigrette. This meal has become one of my favorite go-to’s for something quick and healthy.

Well, I’m sure my mama friends know exactly what happened as soon as I sat down at the table with my big salad bowl. Yep, my child immediately became more interested in what I was eating, than in her own food.

Now, I’ve tried to give Grace a raw spinach leaf from my plate couple of times in the past, but she has simply spit it back out. She’s eaten soft butter lettuce without rejection, but only in very small amounts. Her 2-year molars are still coming in, so for safety’s sake, I wanted to give her enough time to grow the teeth she needs for raw veggies and not rush things.

Keeping all this in mind but not wanting to deny her a chance to try something healthy (again), I decided to try giving her the long stem from the spinach leaf instead, since that part stays crunchy and might be easier for her to chew. And wouldn’t you know it–she ate it up and told me she liked it! Soon she was pointing at the cheese and the chicken as well, and all of a sudden, my salad became her salad.

Aside from learning that I’d need to make a bigger salad (for two) from now on, I realized that when people say your children are watching you and mimicking you, they aren’t kidding. It’s not just some cutesy, fun cliche; these kids actually want to be just like us. So if we’re eating crap, they’re going to eat crap too.

If, however, we make the choice to fuel our bodies with good nutrition, our children will want to do the same. No, they won’t understand they’re making healthy choices until quite some time from toddlerhood; for now, they’ll just want to eat what’s on our plates. But one day, they will understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy choices. And if we’ve done right by them, by the time they do, the healthy habits will already be in place, and their taste buds will be well-acquainted with these better choices.

Being a parent is a heavy, but joyful burden. Everything we do is molding our kids into the person they’ll become. It’s a huge responsibility, not to be taken lightly.

There’s certainly a happy medium we all need to find between eating tree bark, and eating slop.

So in the middle of this virus situation, while we’re all cooped up with our families, let’s make sure to model good choices for our kids as best we can. If you have access to healthy foods, make the better choices whenever possible. In doing so, we’re equipping our family’s bodies and immune systems with the good nutrition we all need to help fight off these germs and keep us out of the hospital.

Image by Karolina Grabowska
Choose well, and Be well! 🙂

Blessings,
Emily

i’m not crying; you’re crying.

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I lost it.

Saturday evening, after spending some much-needed time with good friends that I see far less often than I’d like, I returned home just in time to tuck my little one into bed. She had missed mommy and it showed — Eskimo kisses galore, sweet slobbery pecks on the cheeks, and “Mommy, I miss you! I luh you!” a few times in between. It was the sweetest, most wonderful end to my evening.

Sigh.

Long after Grace was in the bed that night and headed off to sleep, all of these thoughts suddenly came bubbling up to the surface and I lost it.

The mom-guilt had set in at 1000%, and I felt so overwhelmed by it all.

So I stood in my kitchen alone, and balled my eyes out. Because logic plays no part in mom-guilt. These feelings are as deep-rooted as the innate desire for children that most women start to feel somewhere in their 20s or 30s.

My husband eventually heard me sobbing and came to check on me. I tried to explain my feelings to him in between the shudders and gasps for air; it was such a raw moment for me and I knew he would never fully understand what I was feeling, but I attempted to describe it.

Just to put things into perspective: I’m one of those people who generally “powers through” and gets things done. I try not to focus on things that hurt; I just keep going. So these feelings have to wait most of the time; I am literally too busy to let it soak in and deal with it whenever it hits.

But on Saturday night, nearly two years of built-up emotion came tumbling down my cheeks. Two years of working full-time while I pay for child care because we can’t afford not to do things that way. Two years of saying goodbye to her every morning, and hating myself for it. Two years of mom-guilt.

And my husband, somehow knowing exactly what to say, walked up to me and held me while I cried, telling me over and over that I’m a good mother, and I’m doing a great job. In that moment, standing in our kitchen in pajamas, he embodied the love of Christ and his comfort was a tremendous blessing to me.

Yes, I still feel the mom-guilt. But I also feel incredibly blessed to know and love my child, despite whether she’s in my arms being snuggled or in preschool for the day. We are all still SO very blessed.

Later that night as we lay awake talking, I told David that I wanted every single child on this earth to have caregivers who love them as much as we love and adore Grace. I would lay down my life for her, and I know he would do the same.

And then I prayed as I have many times before, that God would protect all children everywhere — that they would all be blessed with a home where they feel loved and safe, in His name.

Prayer warriors, please join me in this prayer. Every child deserves to be loved and kept safe, and I believe in a God who moves mountains, so He can certainly move people who are able to help.

Blessings,
Emily

green beans and black olives

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My husband and I both agree that our daughter Grace is the best thing that’s ever happened to us. She’s our rainbow baby.

A lot of folks know what that means, but for those who don’t, it means she’s the blessing that followed a miscarriage. The rainbow that followed the rain. 🌈❤️

As our Gracie gets closer to her second birthday, she is quickly becoming a legit toddler. She’s inquisitive, empathetic, opinionated, and her preferences seem to change from one day to the next! 

There are days when she’ll eat 2 whole bananas, and others where she can’t stand the sight of one. Some days she’ll eat anything we put in front of her, and other days where it seems she refuses everything. Sigh. 

Recently, on one of her more “unusual” days , after attempting to feed her everything in the cabinet and fridge, she decided that green beans and black olives were the best things on the planet. She began devouring them the same way you’d eat an ice cream cone on a hot summer day; as quickly as possible! 

In that moment, after worrying we had somehow failed her as parents, fearing she would surely go to bed hungry and grumpy and never recover… while watching her eat with a purpose, my poor mama-heart let out a huge sigh of relief, shed a few tears, and then I began laughing hysterically. 

I realized right then that we hadn’t failed her, and we couldn’t fail her; God prepared our hearts for her, long before she was born. He gave us everything we needed to take wonderful care of her, and love her with every ounce of our souls. 

So as we step into full-blown toddler-hood, I am renewed in the faith that my Father provides for me, and therefore will provide for her – both through us and in spite of us, as time goes on. 

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ~Matthew 6: 25-27 

Mama friends, don’t let your hearts be troubled; He has given you everything you need to care for your little ones, and so much more. Rejoice and rest in His loving arms!

Blessings,
Emily