Grace and Good Coffee

Finding grace and good coffee to survive every day.

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homeschool

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There we were on a random summer day, riding back from getting our favorite lunchtime treat together – egg & cheese biscuits. The radio was tuned to our favorite Christian music station, and we were both singing along. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my bright-eyed girl, grinning widely at me. She pointed to her smile, and then pointed to me and said, “I’m just SO HAPPY that you’re my mommy! I love you so much!” *cue the mom tears*

I had been so much in my head the last few days, worrying and wondering, “Am I doing the right thing? Have I lost my mind?” But there she was, assuring me with her steadfast love that I’m pretty good at mom-ing. And since I know my prayers don’t fall on deaf ears and my Father won’t lead me down the wrong path, maybe I am actually equipped to handle what’s next, regardless of the knots in my stomach.

To elaborate, my daughter has been attending a private Christian school for the last 3 years, where most of her local friends go to school as well. It’s a good school, with less problems than most. BUT GOD. He just does not quit. He has been diligently working on my head and my heart over the last couple of years, pointing me to the idea of homeschool.

Then, a few challenges came up over the last year that rattled us. They rattled my girl. And I knew that God wanted more for her, and more for us. So to be the obedient daughter that I want to be, in the past few weeks, I officially withdrew her from the school, declined the scholarship that she had been awarded for this school year, and filed a notice of intent with the state to let them know I was opening a homeschool. *This is the part in the movie where the main character screams, cries, and throws up all at once.*

Needless to say, it has been a large mental load to carry. And I still had to find the right homeschool curriculum for us, figure out a way to continue working full-time from home (because we’re also currently in the process of building a house), and have complete and utter faith in that Holy-Spirit voice that has been reassuring me that homeschool is the right choice for us.

Trust me when I say, The Lord has mercy on His children. I questioned, procrastinated, and tied myself up in a thousand knots before I completed all the necessary steps to get this homeschool adventure started. And I tried to tie my husband’s mind up in the same knots, but he very gently and matter-of-factly looked at me and said, “We both know this is the right thing to do.” (Which completely shut down my inner Mrs. Worrywart.) *This is why men and women are wired completely differently. We need each other.*

So here we are, T-minus 2 days from officially starting homeschool. Today, my girl completed a readiness assessment to make sure she’s ready for the curriculum we’re starting on Monday. She scored above and beyond the “ready” line, which was further confirmation that we’re right where we need to be. God is SO good.

Please pray for us as we begin this new journey.
Blessings!
Emily <3

a helping hand

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Even though my daughter is nearly 3 years old now, I still have very vivid memories of those long days and nights with a newborn. As a brand new mama, I was completely overwhelmed. It doesn’t matter if you’re 20 or 40; no one has all the answers in the beginning.

Those first late nights with a crying, hungry baby are nerve-racking. Trying to figure out breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart. Even bottle-feeding is scary when you realize that newborns are just learning how to eat – how to swallow without choking.

The prayers are countless.

Having your mother or a good friend to talk to during the day is wonderful, but the nights are different. As a new mother, the nights are often dark and lonely. Your hormones are all over the map, and you are absolutely terrified of doing something wrong and causing harm or discomfort to that precious baby. Without someone there with you, especially in those wee hours, it can feel like the entire world is crashing down around you.

If there is one piece of advice I can pass on to new parents who have just been blessed with an angel from Heaven, it is this; get up TOGETHER.

Yes, I know many people advise couples to take turns getting up so they can each get more rest, but here’s a newsflash; most new moms don’t really rest, even when the baby is sleeping. Nature is working overtime on her, fueling her mind and body to stay awake at all hours, fully focused on that baby’s needs and survival.

What a new mama needs most of all, is a helping hand.

I remember the blessing of having my husband wake up with me every time, night after night, without any prompting. His company in those dark hours was such a welcomed blessing. He would change the dirty diaper while I got myself ready to attempt to breastfeed a child who had zero interest in all of that work. Sigh. Then he would lie awake in bed, waiting for me to finish the feeding routine and put our daughter back in her bassinet next to our bed. He would stay up with me, just to be available in case I needed something.

The bonding that took place between us during those wee hours is absolutely priceless.

It’s hard to put into words just how much that small gesture meant to me, as a nervous new mama. And now, on the hardest days of toddlerhood and potty-training, during the occasional times when I want to choke my husband… I think back on those first nights as new parents when he stayed up with me, and I remember just how blessed we are.

I hope this message blesses you as it has blessed me. ❤️

Emily

the pacifier

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One week ago, my precious angel put herself to sleep for the first night without her pacifier.

We’ve only let her have a pacifier for sleeping from day one, because I had read that it actually helps to prevent SIDS in newborns, and Lord knows we have enough to worry about when they’re brand new! Also of note, my elders have always said that “a pacifier is MUCH easier to take away than a thumb!” *praise hands*

Anywho, my Grace was weened off the paci for nap times when she began preschool last year, so night time sleeping (sans paci) is the last step.

Initially, I had wanted to wait until we were done with potty training before also taking the pacifier away, but since potty training seems to be going on foreverrr… I decided to give the paci removal a shot and see if that’s easier for us. A lot happens for toddlers between 2 and 3 years old, where they turn into little people and start to understand a lot more, so it seems to be easier to talk to them and reason some things out.

Sidenote: I think a lot of parents put way too much pressure on themselves to get things done by somebody else’s timeline. Every child is different and most mothers know when their child is ready for the next thing.

I’d read somewhere that snipping the bulb off of the pacifier was a good start to taking it away. (I used suture scissors to cut as close as possible to the base and not leave any part of the bulb behind.) There are different methods and ways to explain the “broken” pacifier, but with Grace, I knew I could talk to her about her paci being broken and that although it “may be a little sad, she can still love paci”…

After that talk, and comforting some sad tears, I decided to let her keep it with her in the crib so when I left she could hold it, examine it, and decide she was over it because it was broken. (Plus, I thought if she woke up looking for it, she would still be able to find it and she would see/remember that it’s broken.)

Well, that method seems to have worked for us because the first morning after sleeping without it, she woke up talking about it being broken, and then swiftly tossed it out of her bed. *lol*

It’s been about a week after that first night, and here’s what we’ve seen so far:

She takes a little longer to soothe herself to sleep, but she hasn’t been upset during that process. (Just more talkative to all of her animal friends in her bed — which is SO CUTE!) A couple of nights she has woken up and been very vocal about being mad and sad over “broken paci” but she’s gone back to sleep after a little soothing from mama and/or daddy. She really is such a trooper!

Kids are so much smarter and more resilient than we realize. And I think it’s just as hard (or harder) for Mamas to let go of these things as it is for their babies. After all, they only grow up once.

What are some parenting hurdles you’ve accomplished, and how did you handle it?

Choose well, and Be well! 🙂

Blessings,
Emily

mama’s plate

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There are few things in this world more irresistible to a toddler than the food on mama’s plate. It doesn’t matter what you’ve prepared for your child, and how delicious it may be. In fact, most of the time, we’re wishing we could eat what’s on our kid’s plate instead of what’s on our own. Goldfish? Yes, please! I’ll take that golden cheddar-y goodness ANY day over the crunch of baby carrots.

Sigh. Let me tell you a story.

Right before this pandemic arrived, I started a healthier eating plan. Yes, you read that right; I’m trying to eat more healthy foods during the apocalypse. I even joked with my husband that I should have known the world would come to an end if I actually began losing weight on a consistent basis. The devil is determined to keep me miserable! Here I am, trapped in my house with all of my husband’s and daughter’s carb-happy snacks. Times like these make you want to look up into the heavens and say, “Are you kidding me?!?”

Sigh.

Nevertheless, I have persisted. I have resisted. I am still going strong. Yes, I may want to cry whenever I see someone getting a pizza delivery, but I have not caved and ordered one for myself.

A couple of nights ago, I cooked some chicken nuggets and broccoli for my child (one of her favorite meals), and she began to eat while I made myself a big spinach salad with shredded chicken, Laughing Cow Light Swiss, and my homemade balsamic vinaigrette. This meal has become one of my favorite go-to’s for something quick and healthy.

Well, I’m sure my mama friends know exactly what happened as soon as I sat down at the table with my big salad bowl. Yep, my child immediately became more interested in what I was eating, than in her own food.

Now, I’ve tried to give Grace a raw spinach leaf from my plate couple of times in the past, but she has simply spit it back out. She’s eaten soft butter lettuce without rejection, but only in very small amounts. Her 2-year molars are still coming in, so for safety’s sake, I wanted to give her enough time to grow the teeth she needs for raw veggies and not rush things.

Keeping all this in mind but not wanting to deny her a chance to try something healthy (again), I decided to try giving her the long stem from the spinach leaf instead, since that part stays crunchy and might be easier for her to chew. And wouldn’t you know it–she ate it up and told me she liked it! Soon she was pointing at the cheese and the chicken as well, and all of a sudden, my salad became her salad.

Aside from learning that I’d need to make a bigger salad (for two) from now on, I realized that when people say your children are watching you and mimicking you, they aren’t kidding. It’s not just some cutesy, fun cliche; these kids actually want to be just like us. So if we’re eating crap, they’re going to eat crap too.

If, however, we make the choice to fuel our bodies with good nutrition, our children will want to do the same. No, they won’t understand they’re making healthy choices until quite some time from toddlerhood; for now, they’ll just want to eat what’s on our plates. But one day, they will understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy choices. And if we’ve done right by them, by the time they do, the healthy habits will already be in place, and their taste buds will be well-acquainted with these better choices.

Being a parent is a heavy, but joyful burden. Everything we do is molding our kids into the person they’ll become. It’s a huge responsibility, not to be taken lightly.

There’s certainly a happy medium we all need to find between eating tree bark, and eating slop.

So in the middle of this virus situation, while we’re all cooped up with our families, let’s make sure to model good choices for our kids as best we can. If you have access to healthy foods, make the better choices whenever possible. In doing so, we’re equipping our family’s bodies and immune systems with the good nutrition we all need to help fight off these germs and keep us out of the hospital.

Image by Karolina Grabowska
Choose well, and Be well! 🙂

Blessings,
Emily

green beans and black olives

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My husband and I both agree that our daughter Grace is the best thing that’s ever happened to us. She’s our rainbow baby.

A lot of folks know what that means, but for those who don’t, it means she’s the blessing that followed a miscarriage. The rainbow that followed the rain. 🌈❤️

As our Gracie gets closer to her second birthday, she is quickly becoming a legit toddler. She’s inquisitive, empathetic, opinionated, and her preferences seem to change from one day to the next! 

There are days when she’ll eat 2 whole bananas, and others where she can’t stand the sight of one. Some days she’ll eat anything we put in front of her, and other days where it seems she refuses everything. Sigh. 

Recently, on one of her more “unusual” days , after attempting to feed her everything in the cabinet and fridge, she decided that green beans and black olives were the best things on the planet. She began devouring them the same way you’d eat an ice cream cone on a hot summer day; as quickly as possible! 

In that moment, after worrying we had somehow failed her as parents, fearing she would surely go to bed hungry and grumpy and never recover… while watching her eat with a purpose, my poor mama-heart let out a huge sigh of relief, shed a few tears, and then I began laughing hysterically. 

I realized right then that we hadn’t failed her, and we couldn’t fail her; God prepared our hearts for her, long before she was born. He gave us everything we needed to take wonderful care of her, and love her with every ounce of our souls. 

So as we step into full-blown toddler-hood, I am renewed in the faith that my Father provides for me, and therefore will provide for her – both through us and in spite of us, as time goes on. 

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ~Matthew 6: 25-27 

Mama friends, don’t let your hearts be troubled; He has given you everything you need to care for your little ones, and so much more. Rejoice and rest in His loving arms!

Blessings,
Emily

Grace, the beginning.

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Many moons before my daughter Grace, I was an avid runner and health nut. My obsession with fitness began in 2012, the year my daddy passed away. At that time, I needed something to occupy my mind, and keep me from thinking about all the things I wish I had said before he left this world. So I focused on eating better, drinking protein shakes, and (heaven help), bootcamp workouts, of all things. I tracked my food using the MyFitnessPal app, weighed myself once a week, and literally worked my grits off. As it turns out, losing weight ain’t so easy when you have hypothyroidism AND you’re over 30. But I was desperate and determined.

For two solid years, all I thought about every day was how to be more fit. I was completely consumed. And by 2014, I had started down a dangerous path. I had replaced bootcamp with interval running, because I discovered that I could lose more weight at a faster rate that way. Of course, running on its own is certainly not a bad thing; however, when paired with consuming 1000 calories a day at most, it can become a problem – especially since I am 5’9″, and genetically, I was never meant to be the stick figure I was trying so hard to be. My obsession with being “healthier” had turned into an obsession with being “small” instead, even if it meant I had to starve myself and run on fumes.

The smaller I got, the more confident I felt. That confidence took me places I never thought I’d go, like Texas, for example. In late 2014, I met my now husband at a health-related conference in Texas. (Ironically, I had just gotten my heart broken by someone I never should have trusted, and was in no shape to meet anyone decent.) But this man, let me tell you… he chased me down. It didn’t matter that I lived halfway across the country, he was determined to prove himself and win me over. After many, MANY hours of video calls, texts, and uprooting his entire world to be with me, he showed me that true love DOES actually exist, and that I am worthy of such love. (Let this right here be a lesson to all the ladies out there who are still hoping and praying – He is listening to you, girlfriend!)

By 2015, David and I were married in wedded bliss. I was finally happy in love, and I had stopped caring so much about being “small”. Unfortunately though, I married a man who can eat ANYTHING he darn well pleases, and still maintain 6-pack abs. The nerve! So y’all can only imagine what happened, right? He’s cooking up all this Texan goodness, and I’m eating it up like I haven’t eaten in two years… because I hadn’t. For two years I survived on chicken/blueberry/spinach salads, protein shakes, and eggs. So when boo-boo took over the kitchen and started cooking like Bobby Flay, every other day was taco night, and before long I had packed on more than a few “love pounds”.

Fast forward to 2016 – a year of lemons. I miscarried our first child, injured my back and had to have surgery, fought a couple of brutal infections which totally wrecked my gut-health, and just landed flat on my A-double-S. Some days I could barely move, let alone focus on being healthier. But one good thing did come out of that year – one beautiful, perfect, and timely blessing. I became pregnant with our second baby, a little girl whose name had already been spoken to me, even before she existed in my womb. Our daughter Grace.

Suddenly, every struggle of that awful year was washed away. I had a reason for getting up every day and smiling all day long. I absolutely loved the feeling that I was carrying the whole world in my belly… until of course about the 8th month. By that time, I felt like a beached whale and couldn’t sleep worth a dern. It was in the middle of the blazing HOT Carolina summer, and I got winded just getting up to get a glass of water. Sigh.

By the time I was full-term in July, my feet were so swollen that it hurt to stand, let alone walk. (Which doesn’t bode too well for a full-time working mama.) But, somehow I survived. And then, one sweltering July day in 2017, after a LOT of prayers, sweat, moments of doubt, and many tears, I became a mother to the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. She was perfect and amazing; I could NOT believe how incredibly blessed I was to be her mama.

After the “glow” had worn off, I realized that getting back to a healthy version of myself was going to be an extremely long road. With everything I had been through over the last two years, my body didn’t even remotely resemble the person I was a few years ago. And as the days and nights flew by, maternity leave ended, and before I knew it I was back at work wondering where the heck I was, who I was, and what was this nightmare I seemed to be stuck in. All I wanted to do was to be at home taking care of my baby, and instead I was in an office trying to act like I knew how to do things I hadn’t done in 3 months.

I blinked, and now 18 months have passed since my Grace was born. EIGHTEEN MONTHS. And guess what? I’m still here, stuck in this post-trauma-plus-baby body that I still don’t recognize. I drag myself through every day with the same routine, eating whatever is quick and easy, because my days are full of work, stress, and a baby who is quickly becoming a full-fledged toddler.

Well, I’ve decided that it’s time for a change. I have more than enough reasons in my life to want to be healthy; most of all, I want to be here for my little girl. Not just to “watch” her grow up, but to be a part of it. I want to be able to run around and chase her, and not get tired after just a few minutes of playtime. I want to not be embarrassed when picturing myself in a bathing suit; I live in a coastal town, for goodness’ sake! I need to be able to go to the beach and enjoy my time with loved ones without feeling so self-conscious and ridiculous. Do I need to be perfect? No! But I DO need to be able to enjoy this life I have been blessed with, and not cut it short by making poor choices.

So here I am, baring my soul to the interwebs. I’m making my public declaration right here and now to start down a healthier path, and to document as I go. I need the accountability of others who are (hopefully) reading along and taking this journey with me. I’ll be sharing my victories, my struggles, healthy recipes and good tidbits, and anything else I can find to help me do this.

I want to be a healthy mama for Grace.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope you’ll stick around for more.
Blessings,
Emily