cancer sucks.

My heart is heavy today and I need to get this out.

For those of you who don’t already know, my Mama has cancer. She was diagnosed while I was pregnant with Grace, and it was such a devastating blow to my soul. In the midst of celebrating the new life in my belly, we were forced to look upon the ugly face of cancer.

Mama has been battling this evil disease for longer than my Grace has been in this world, and it’s still here, just as awful as ever.

Last week, Mama was so weak that we almost lost her. She was in the hospital for a few days, and they were able to breathe life back into her. But the cancer is still here.

This past weekend, David, Grace, and myself went to visit her. It’s not a short drive, and having a toddler who hates being stuck in the car seat makes it less than fun, but we made it happen.

I was pleasantly surprised to find Mama in such good spirits, all things considered. But she is SO frail. I have never seen her so small, and it scares me.

Y’all, I am not ready to lose my Mama. I am not prepared to be parentless.

I have very vivid memories of Mama making healthy eating choices, and walking with vigor on our farm for exercise after work. She has NO cancer in her family. There really is no reason for her to have this awful, terrible disease, except for plain old “bad luck”. That’s what the doctors told her when she was diagnosed; it’s either genetic or just bad luck (especially for someone who is so healthy otherwise).

Mama’s diagnosis is yet another motivator for me and this journey I’m on. If it can happen to Mama, it can truly happen to anyone. And the last thing I’m going to do is give this wretched disease a reason to latch onto me!

My time with Mama this weekend was precious, and I’m going to make a habit of going to visit her much more often. I’m still hoping and praying for a miracle, but every moment Grace and I have with her is a blessing.

And in the meantime, I’m going to keep working on a healthier me, so I can be here for Grace as long as possible. I started using MyFitnessPal to track my food intake again, and I’m making healthier choices every day. I am thankful for this chance to turn things around, and I’m not going to waste it.

If you or someone you know is struggling with cancer tonight, please know that I am praying for you.

Blessings,
Emily