“Are you absolutely sure?”
It’s a question I have asked myself countless times. I’m always analyzing and questioning. It’s just in my nature. It’s the reason why science has been my favorite subject to study since high school. I need the what, why, how, and when for nearly everything. Professionally, it’s to my benefit. I deal with risk management often, so I am wired to look 4000 yards ahead and see what might derail a project. This makes me a great fit for my job, but also feeds the “question monster.”
God bless my husband, because (most of the time) he deals so patiently with my questioning nature. Anyone else would have surely run away screaming by now. Maybe. 😂 I just can’t shut off my brain; it is hungry and wants to know all the things.
This is where my faith is often tested. While my questioning nature is an asset to my job, it is sometimes an obstacle to my faith. We aren’t meant to know everything about God and His plan right now in this life. There’s a beautiful verse in Deuteronomy that answers so many questions for us:
“The secret things belong to The Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.” – Deuteronomy 29:29
Whenever I have questions that can’t be answered, I repeat this scripture to myself, and it brings instant peace and comfort.
But still, for the longest time, there was always one question that I couldn’t answer with 100% certainty or shake off…
“Am I truly saved?”
I mean, I knew the ‘how’ to getting saved. I knew the gospel. But doubt would often creep in and I wanted proof of my salvation. My mind used to question, “If I died right now, am I sure I would I go to Heaven?”
For a long time I didn’t know. I ‘hoped’ I knew, but I wasn’t sure. Even though I believed in Jesus as Messiah and shared the gospel with others, I doubted my own standing with Him. But then one day, thankfully, mercifully, I was reminded that even John the Baptist had doubts. Near the end of his life, when John was arrested and being held in a cell, he sent word to Jesus, asking if HE was the Messiah or if there would be someone else to come. John was afraid and needed reassurance. And Jesus did not rebuke John when he received his question. Jesus simply answered John with proof of His identity, according to the prophetic scriptures that John would surely know:
And He answered them, “Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up, the poor have good news preached to them. And blessed is the one who is not offended by me.” – Luke 7: 22-23
Instantly, I felt better knowing that even someone as great as John the Baptist had doubts. Even after baptizing Jesus, John still doubted. Praise The Lord who understands our weak flesh and our doubts!
As time marched on and I began to seek after The Lord more fervently by reading His Word and listening to Bible-based sermons, I began to hear and understand that unless The Holy Spirit lives inside of you (which is the mark of salvation), lasting and continuous change will not occur.
So I started taking inventory of my life, and I was quickly reminded of all the worldly things I used to enjoy and take part in, that now completely turn my stomach. And the proof was right in front of me:
I am NOT the same person I was.
I used to be in love with the dark. I loved going out to bars with my friends and drinking the night way. I loved all the wrong music, no matter the lyrics. I watched whatever I wanted, no matter the rating or content. I said whatever I wanted to say, whenever I wanted to say it. I did whatever I wanted to do, regardless of the consequences.
But Praise God! I am not this person anymore, and the change that has happened within me is nothing less than the work of The Holy Spirit.
Is my transformation complete? Is this who I will be? Absolutely not. As long as I have breath in my lungs, I am continuously being transformed by The Holy Spirit. Our transformation is not instantaneous; it is a daily and lifelong process. We have to seek The Lord and His will first, placing Him above things that our flesh may want.
So if you have doubts about your own salvation, take a look at who you are today and compare that person to who you were before you heard the gospel. What has changed? Are you closer to God now than you were back then? Do you love Him more than you love yourself?
“…Assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in Him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” – Ephesians 4: 21-24
We will never achieve sinless perfection in this life, but The Holy Spirit will never depart from us or stop working on us, as long as we seek first His Kingdom.
Love,
Emily